Anger #

Anger is a normal and natural emotion that we all experience from time to time. It can be triggered by various factors, such as frustration, injustice, stress, or conflict. Anger can also be a sign of an underlying mental health condition, such as depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder.

Anger can have both positive and negative effects on our mental health and well-being. On the one hand, anger can help us identify problems, protect ourselves from harm, motivate us to take action, and express our feelings¹. On the other hand, anger can also cause us to lose control, hurt ourselves or others, damage our relationships, and impair our judgment.

Therefore, it is important to learn how to cope with anger in a healthy and constructive way. Here are some tips that can help you manage your anger and improve your mental health:

Tip 1: Recognize your anger triggers and signs #

The first step to coping with anger is to recognize what triggers your anger and how you react to it. Some common anger triggers are:

Being treated unfairly or disrespectfully
Feeling threatened or attacked
Having unmet expectations or needs
Experiencing loss or grief
Facing challenges or obstacles
Having conflicting values or beliefs

Some common signs of anger are:

Increased heart rate and blood pressure
Tense muscles and clenched fists
Feeling hot and sweaty
Feeling tense or nervous
Being easily irritated or annoyed
Having negative thoughts or beliefs
Raising your voice or shouting
Ignoring people or sulking
Starting fights or arguments
Breaking things or self-harming

By becoming aware of your anger triggers and signs, you can prepare yourself to deal with them in a more effective way. You can also avoid situations that may provoke your anger, or plan ahead how to cope with them if they are unavoidable.

Tip 2: Take a time-out and calm yourself down #

When you feel your anger rising, it is helpful to take a time-out and calm yourself down before you say or do something you might regret. Taking a time-out can help you:

Reduce your physiological arousal and stress levels
Gain some distance and perspective on the situation
Think more clearly and rationally
Choose an appropriate response

Some ways to take a time-out and calm yourself down are:

Counting to 10 or backwards from 10
Breathing deeply and slowly
Practicing mindfulness or meditation
Listening to soothing music or sounds
Going for a walk or doing some physical activity
Using positive affirmations or self-talk

Tip 3: Express your anger in a constructive way #

Once you have calmed yourself down, you can express your anger in a constructive way. Expressing your anger can help you:

Release your pent-up emotions and tension
Communicate your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully
Resolve the issue or problem at hand
Improve your relationships and understanding with others

Some ways to express your anger in a constructive way are:

Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel angry when you don’t listen to me” instead of “You never listen to me”
Being specific and factual instead of generalizing or exaggerating. For example, say “You were 30 minutes late today” instead of “You are always late”
Focusing on the present issue instead of bringing up the past. For example, say “I’m upset that you forgot our anniversary” instead of “You always forget everything”
Asking for what you want instead of demanding or complaining. For example, say “I would appreciate it if you could help me with the dishes” instead of “You never help me with anything”
Listening to the other person’s point of view and acknowledging their feelings. For example, say “I understand that you are busy at work” instead of “You don’t care about me”

Tip 4: Seek professional help if needed #

Sometimes, coping with anger on your own may not be enough. You may need professional help if:

You feel like you can’t control your anger or that it controls your life
You express your anger through unhelpful or destructive behavior, such as violence or self-harm
You’re worried your behavior may become abusive
Your anger is having a negative effect on your relationships, work, studies, or hobbies
Your anger is often hurting, frightening, or upsetting the people around you
Your anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health
Anger is becoming your go-to emotion, blocking out your ability to feel other emotions
Your anger regularly makes you feel worse about yourself or your life
You can’t remember things you do or say when you’re angry
You’re using alcohol or drugs to cope with your anger

If you feel like you need help with your anger, you can:

See your GP and ask for a referral to a local anger management program or counselling
Contact a mental health helpline or service, such as Samaritans, Mind, or Calmerry
Join a peer support group, where people use their experiences to help each other
Try self-help cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, such as the ones on the Every Mind Matters website, to manage unhelpful thoughts, reframe situations, solve problems, and deal with stress

Anger is a normal and natural emotion that can have both positive and negative effects on our mental health and well-being. By following these tips, you can cope with your anger in a healthy and constructive way. You can also improve your mental health and create a happier and more fulfilling life for yourself.

Remember that coping with anger is a skill that takes time and practice. Be patient and gentle with yourself along the way. And don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you need it.

You deserve to feel calm, confident, and in control.